's Schrager Tries To Be Funny. Fails.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Stop me when you've heard a joke about the Detroit Lions ...

Evidently,'s Peter Schrager picked up where's he always left off: ending an article with a poor attempt at humor. In his latest detriment to the profession of sports journalism, Schrager takes a shot at the Detroit Lions (and their fans) because he's unaware that it's still only comedic to him.

And Viking fans.

In a recent analysis (and I use the term loosely), Schrager questions the team's defensive line, which will invariably affect the standout trio of linebackers that will head Detroit's revamped defense in 2009.

"The issue, of course, will be the defensive line. The Peterson-Sims-Foote trio will be over-taxed and weary by Week 4 if there's no help up front. And from the looks of it, the talent on the defensive line does not look much better than it was last year."

Now, while Schrager's ability to complete a sentence is awe-inspiring enough, it was his display of competence (which we strongly feel begins and ends with turning on, staring at, and turning off a microwave) that determined a cheap shot at fans (segwayed by last year's 0-16 mark) would be, like, totally funny. Man.

"5. Will the Lions win a game this year? You'd sure like to think so. It might take until Nov. 1, though. That's when Detroit takes on the young St. Louis Rams, the only opponent Detroit could be favored against in the first eight weeks of the season. So circle that date, Lions fans. It could make for quite a Sunday. Get pumped for that potential 1-6 start. Woohoo!"

5. Will Peter Schrager Ever Be Taken Seriously As A Writer? You'd sure like to think so. It might take until eternity, though. That's when Pistol Pete plans to vacate his parent's basement, the only barrier between him, adulthood, and some semblance of credibility as a writer. So don't hold your breath, Schrager-reader(s), you can expect your regular dose of hackneyed sports journalism to continue ad infinitum.

Note to the National Media: The only people who have the right to tired attempts at Lions humor are the fans of the team. They sat through the entire 16 losses last year, while you kept track of the box scores. They can tell you whether it was the coaching or players, while you offer a weak opinion based on second-hand quotes in a puff piece you compiled while burning the midnight oil, waiting with baited breath to become an ESPN talking head. The fans know that almost 40 percent of Detroit's roster has been flipped, while you focus on a handful of new names and old, meaningless statistics.

But most importantly, Detroit fans are allowed to bask in the annual glow of hope, something that without fail, has been ingrained in Lions fans lore, in spite of past failures. They've managed to do so, quite successfully, for decades without having a shallow-minded, inconsequential armchair analyst (that would be you, national media) attempt to determine the team's success before training camp has even begun.

The tissues are to your left, Petey.